


A Dirty Affair

by LazyPotatoo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: EWE, M/M, Post-Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:56:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyPotatoo/pseuds/LazyPotatoo
Summary: Their relationship was not stained, per se. Harry had been purer than anything during that period of time, but he could not recall it without a bit of sadness and shame despite it being one of the happiest times of his life. The catalyst itself was so subtle, so mundane, that he couldn't be sure what really was the start to their dirty affair.In short: the story of Harry's first love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel side story of my other fic Drag Me from Hell and Plead the Scarlet Star, but you DO NOT have to read the other one first to read this one, although as of 10/23/16, I haven't posted any chapters from the main story yet. :'D

_A Dirty Affair_

 

Harry had destroyed Voldemort only two weeks ago, but it felt like years ago now. He spent almost every minute of his time with the Weasleys, his family. He felt lighter and happier than ever without the prophecy and his task hanging down on his shoulders.

He had offered the Weasleys money to have the Burrow fixed--after all, they had been targeted in the war because of their close relations with him. But of course, they wouldn't accept the money. The least he could do was help them rebuild it while he and the rest of the Weasleys crashed at Shell Cottage.

So that's what he did.

He loved it; he was with his favorite people in the world and not with the Dursleys.

George was currently at work--he had submerged himself with it after the Battle of Hogwarts, trying to keep up Fred's legacy while distracting himself from depressing thoughts. Everyone was still celebrating the fall of Voldemort and mourning all those who had died. In general, everyone tried to maintain a good humor, but George was definitely taking his twin's death the hardest.

Ron and Hermione went off somewhere together, Charlie was with Hagrid for something, Mr. Weasley was at work, Mrs. Weasley went shopping and Ginny had volunteered to come along with her. Bill was the only one at home other than him at the moment, but he was working on complicated runes of some sort, so Harry didn't want to disturb him.

After the war and with all his free time, he decided he'd try becoming an animagus like the Marauders had. It didn't seem to be going anywhere, but according to the book he was referencing, the beginning was always a slow process. But at the moment, Harry was taking a break from all that, lying on the couch with _Harry Potter and the Wary Werewolf_ \--one of the Harry Potter books Ginny owned that were written about him long ago, back when he hadn't even known the wizarding world existed. It was uncomfortable to think that the main character was supposed to be him (which was hard to forget, especially when his name was mentioned every few lines), but an admittedly entertaining read.

"Harry?" Bill's voice came from the hall.

Harry looked up from the book to see the eldest Weasley sibling leaning against the doorframe with an amused smile on his lips. "What's so funny?" Then he looked at his book. "Oh," he realized with an embarrassed smile. "Well, I was bored…"

Bill nodded in understanding and gestured for him to come. "That's just what I wanted to ask you. If you want, I can teach you some runes?"

Harry shrugged and got up from the couch. It wasn't like he had anything better to do. He followed Bill into his and Fleur's room. After the war, Fleur went back to France to be with her family. She was expected to be back in another month or so.

Their room looked cozy with a good amount of lighting from the windows, a fireplace, a small futon and a muted color scheme of grey, black and maroon. Bill crossed the room and opened a door Harry hadn't noticed at first. The redhead turned slightly to face him and sent a secretive smile. "Don't tell anyone about this room."

Harry nodded, serious. He entered the room and the door closed itself shut. The room was fairly small with a table that took up most of the space and a small bookshelf next to the window. There was a huge parchment with a vastly complex array of what he assumed to be runes. The design was beautiful in an artistic kind of way. There were swirls and swishes of lines crisscrossing everywhere. He pointed at it, eyes wide. "You're going to teach me that?"

Bill chuckled, shaking his head. "That's an extremely advanced rune array. You probably wouldn't get to this kind of stuff until another five or six years of study." He rolled the parchment up with magic and summoned a quill, a bottle of ink and parchment paper to the table. He gestured Harry to come close as he said, "Here, I'll show you some basic runes."

Harry settled himself by Bill's left side and looked over to see what he was writing. "First thing you should know about runes is that it's like the English language's alphabet. Once you learn the basic runes, you can form the simplest rune complex to the most complicated array, just how you can form the shortest words to the most entertaining novels--like _Harry Potter and the Wary Werewolf_." Bill snuck in a teasing remark with a mischievous grin.

Harry groaned, resisting the urge to put his face in his hands, but instead nodded his confirmation to continue.

"There's a total of one hundred and eight basic runes." Seeing Harry's alarmed face, he chuckled. "It's not as bad as it seems. Once you've familiarized yourself with them all, it'll be like second nature to you." He drew a simple character on the parchment. "That one's called urza. Depending on how it's used and what it's put with, it can produce an infinite amount of different results." He drew five other ones on top of the urza rune and added some squiggles and dots. He tapped the runes with the tip of his wand, causing the whole thing to glow. Suddenly a small flame the size of a candle fire came out of it.

"Whoa!" Harry exclaimed in surprise. "That's so cool."

Bill grinned. "That's just the tip of the iceberg. You can do anything with runes. It all depends on whether you can build it correctly or not. Here, I'll show you which runes I used and give you the breakdown of this rune complex."

Harry spent the rest of the day learning runes from Bill, who was more than happy to teach him. They stopped when the others returned home, but not before Harry asked Bill if he could borrow some of his books on runes. Bill handed him a huge stack of books, and told him to be careful with them. There were some incredibly rare titles in the stack, some of which he'd gotten during his time in Egypt.

When everyone arrived home, they all sat at the dinner table, barely fitting everyone. Simply the sheer amount of people in the room made the whole affair seem chaotic, but everyone was used to it. There were multiple conversations going on, and at least one argument somewhere, which Mrs. Weasley always quickly stopped. Harry was content to simply watching them all, happily drinking his soup.

Hermione, who had been arguing with Ron and finally got tired of it, deliberately turned towards Harry and asked, "So, Harry, what'd you do today?"

"Nothing much," he glanced at Bill, who was in an in-depth conversation with Mr. Weasley, and said, "Bill taught me some runes. Now I wished I'd taken it in Hogwarts."

In the past, Hermione would have shot him a haughty look and tell him smugly "I told you so" because she had lectured both him and Ron about taking harder classes back in their third year. Now, she just laughed and said good naturedly. "I told you so!" (She still said it) But then continued, "Well you can still learn now. I have my old runes textbooks if you want them?"

Harry shook his head, "That's all right, Bill lent me his collection. Thanks, though. I'll ask you any questions if I have any. So what did you and Ron do today?"

Hermione shrugged but looked extremely pleased. "I brought Ron to the ice rink near my neighborhood."

Ron looked at Harry with wide eyes and puffed cheeks filled with food as he muffled out, "Ish incre-ible, Harry! They mushta had shome magic to keeping the ice cold in the shummer!"

Hermione snapped at him to chew and swallow first. Harry just chuckled at their antics. Chatter continued at the table as Harry simply basked in the warmth of family.

-A Dirty Affair-

For the past month, he had completely neglected his progress towards becoming an animagus, getting caught up in studying runes. They were absolutely _fascinating._ The opportunities runes presented were literally infinite. He had read through Bill's books under three weeks, drinking in all the information with the vigor and thirst of Tantalus.

He and Bill began spending a lot more time together working on runes. Bill still had his daytime job, so Harry studied and experimented with runes in the day and discussed them with Bill at night. He felt like he could never tire of runes.

According to Bill, he was _really good_ at runes, but Harry honestly didn't see whatever Bill saw in him. He had a hard time remembering all the basic runes, and the only reason why he managed to learn them under a month was because he had so much time to do so.

At first, Harry only bothered Bill to ask a few questions if even Hermione didn't know the answer to, but for the past two weeks, he had practically been sleeping in the same room with Bill. It was a funny story, actually, on how that particular habit started.

Around the same time he finished reading all the books Bill lent him, Bill asked for _Obscure Techniques in Building Rune Arrays_ by Vanilius Ropenhaum back for a day or two for reference which, of course, Harry returned. A few minutes after Harry had returned to his rooms, quick thumps of footsteps echoed in the house, steadily nearing his rooms until Bill burst into his room with an intense look on his face.

"Was it you who wrote in the margins of the book?"

Harry had felt a flash of alarm and which soon morphed into horror and shame. "Oh god, Bill, I'm sorry, I-I just--I have a tendency to--when I have an idea or question, my hand has a tendency of writing everything down before my mind can fully register it and I just completely forgot that it wasn't my book--I can't believe I forgot to tell you-"

Bill grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, a grin appearing on his face. "You're amazing! You're a genius!"

"Uh, what?"

He looked over Harry's shoulder and scanned the room as he asked excitedly, "So you did it with other books too?"

"Oh! Yeah, I'm really sorry," Harry had said guiltily, feeling awful as he ran around his room to collect them all.

"Well bring them and follow me to my study, we can go through them there."

"Sorry what?"

Bill grinned. "You have some great ideas. I wanna test some of them."

The older man helped him hold half of the books as they made their way to the master bedroom. "So you don't mind that I've written in your books?"

They entered his study and dumped the stacks of books on the ground and made their way to the table. "Don't worry about it. Now c'mon, let's start with the one you wrote on the listing complexes over here."

They had spent the rest of the night going through his notes, testing out theories and questions that Harry had postulated in the margins, then fell asleep in the morning. Then in the afternoon Bill rushed to work, cursing a storm through his lips.

Then they did that the next day, and then the next, and the next, until Harry realized it had been over two weeks. (And Bill had requested for half days off every day, much to Harry's horror because it really would be all Harry's fault if he lost his job. But apparently Bill was very much appreciated and liked at work and was confident he would be fine.)

Bill had only missed one day: the night of the full moon. Ever since Greyback had infected him with lycanthropy in human form, Bill had began favoring raw meat and became twitchy under the full moon. He didn't transform, but he said that he always felt "an itching and crawling feeling" under his skin on that night and could never sleep.

It had been one of the most intellectually intensive weeks he had ever had, as well as the most fun. He found that Bill was an amazing person: genuinely kind--it really showed in the smallest stuff, like making sure Harry was always included in the conversation at the dinner table even when he didn't mind just listening, and the sincere desire to hear what Harry had to say, and the way he always made sure everyone in his family was OK. Bill had confessed to Harry one night just how worried he was with George and how his twin's death was affecting him.

So Harry suggested helping George with creating some Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products with runes. Bill had been delighted and slapped himself for not thinking of it earlier. The next day, they dragged George to Bill's study and got started. They helped him with some products he didn't know how to create, and made many more new devices. One of them would suggest an idea, George would build it, and Harry and Bill would design a rune array to make it run. It had been a learning experience as well as the most hilarious time he had ever had. George was a riot. He definitely seemed to be doing better since then, but that also meant a lot more "tests with the prototypes" around the house. They all had never been happier to wake up with purple hair and duck beak lips than ever.  

Bill was also very funny--almost in a Snape way--with biting sarcasm but in all good nature. Harry realized Bill always held back his sharp comments around his parents which explained why he never knew that side of Bill until now. Harry mentioned him and Snape's similar vernacular to him, and Bill had admitted he may not have liked the man, but he had always admired their former professor's quick wit. At this, Harry had replied dryly, "Well, I don't think I've ever had the chance to do that, not when his 'quick wit' was always directed towards me."

Unfortunately, his time with Bill had come with an abrupt end because Fleur came back from France. Harry had moved into an apartment he bought in east muggle London a week ago. He offered Ginny to come live with him, but she said her mom would never allow her to. That made sense, since she was still a student.

He didn't want to shut either culture completely in favor for another and bought electric kitchen appliances--he didn't know household magic anyway--and a laptop and TV for his living room. He didn't have much personal belongings so nearly everything in the house was new. He had called in Bill to ward the place and Hermione to enlarge some rooms.

Because he was so obsessed with runes and simply did not have an adequate personal library, he moved the entire Black library from Grimmauld Place and moved it to the room connected to his study. He would go through them to find books on runes later.

An idea that was planted in his head by Bill a few days ago had been growing. He confessed to Bill that he was having second thoughts on becoming an auror, and he suggested Harry continue his education in runes to become a runes master. "It'll be easy as pie for for you, Harry," Bill had said jokingly.

Going down that path wouldn't be too different from what he had been doing all summer anyway--learning more about runes--and he loved it. He also had enough money lying around in Gringotts to be spent while he studied anyway. He would consider it.

-A Dirty Affair-

He quickly got used to living by himself. He quite enjoyed it, actually. It was quiet for the most part, but he always had the choice of going to someone's place or inviting others over. He still visited Bill, Ron and Hermione quite often, at least three or four times a week. Ginny had gone back to Hogwarts about three months ago. They met up nearly every Hogsmeade weekend, sometimes accompanied with a few other Weasleys.

Harry had also learned so much runes; he took a look at the runes NEWTs content and knew he could ace it easily. Considering it only took him half a year to pick up runes to reach the level he was at and the fact that the NEWTs was for students who had been taking the class for five years, it was painfully clear that the runes curriculum in Hogwarts was extremely lacking.

About two weeks ago, Bill went back to Egypt for some pyramid expedition that he was needed at. Luckily, he was only scheduled to be there for one to two months, but it was still a long time. And Bill's time away was what started this peculiar line of thought that he wasn't sure what it meant for him.

He missed Bill. He really missed Bill, much more than he'd ever missed Ginny when she went to Hogwarts.

Bill plagued his every thoughts. He'd see one thing and then suddenly be reminded of Bill somehow. It was as though his eyes and brain had developed a filter that made him associate everything he saw with Bill. He'd look out the window from his apartment and remember that it was the same window where Bill had spilled coffee on. He'd walk in the streets and spot a redhead and immediately wonder if it was Bill before shaking his head, feeling rather foolish. He'd be in the shower rubbing shampoo off his hair and remember the way Bill always tousled his hair affectionately. He'd pick up his pencil and remember the scar on Bill's ring finger that always showed when he picked up a quill.

The most reasonable conclusion, Harry's mind supplied, was that he was obsessed with him.

Days went by after he'd reached this conclusion and it never completely left his mind. He couldn't, not when the entire world kept reminding him of Bill.

It was Harry's subconscious who finally supplied the real answer.

One morning, he awoke, completely hard, panting and had rushed to the bathroom. He turned the shower on cold and was suddenly reminded of an instance where he and Bill had gone outside together when it suddenly started pouring, and they had run to his apartment as fast as they could, completely soaked to the bone. Then Harry had slapped his forehead and said, "We're so stupid! We're wizards!" Bill had given him a wide eyed look before they both broke down in laughter, leaning against each other just to keep each other standing.

He blinked, shaken out of his stupor. He'd gone and done it again. He was simply proving his subconsciousness right. In an irrational moment of frustration, he pounded the bathroom tile wall with a fist. "Fuck!"

The ice cold droplets hitting his back were beginning to sting. "Bill…" His lips moved on their own.

Harry Potter was hopelessly in love with Bill Weasley.

-A Dirty Affair-

Harry sighed as he put on a coat, walking out his apartment door before locking it. He shivered before casting a warming charm. Decembers were always freezing in London. He apparated to Hogsmeade and walked into Hogshead, greeted by the warmth of the bar. Aberforth, who looked the same as ever, called out gruffly, "Welcome! Oh, it's just you Harry."

Harry grinned and chuckled as he approached the bar front, "What do you mean it's just me? When people see me, it's usually 'oh my god, it's Harry Potter!'"

Aberforth let out a short bark of laughter before training his Dumbledore blue eyes onto Harry sternly. "You better not be letting the fame getting into your head, kid."

Harry shook his head and smiled at him. "You know I wouldn't." He looked around and saw no one in the bar. "No business right now?"

The elderly man huffed and said, "Wait 'till the kids get here. The DA kids all go here now instead of Three Broomsticks and bring their friends, who bring _their_ friends...it'll be like a school playground soon enough."

"Well that's good, more customers for you. Can I have a butterbeer?" He put down a few sickles on the bar counter and thanked him after receiving a mug of butterbeer. He sat at a corner table and took a slow sip of the butterbeer.

He heard the door open and saw Ginny walk in with Luna and a few others. He grinned and waved at them over. Harry stood and hugged his friends and they all sat down at his table. He chatted with them for an hour or so, catching up with what was going on at Hogwarts before he turned to Ginny, who nodded. "Well Ginny and I are gonna go now. See you guys later then?" Luna and her friends bid them goodbye as they stood and left the bar.

"So what is it, Harry?"

"Could we go to my apartment real quick?"

Ginny didn't even look surprised. "Sure."

He extended his hand for Ginny to take. After she did so, he apparated them to his apartment. He led her to the kitchen table and they sat down. "Harry," she broke the silence. "What is it?"

Harry resisted the urge to run his fingers through his hair. He wasn't sure how to say this. He released a sigh and decided to just go for it. "I-I think I'm gay."

Ginny sent him a complicated smile. "I was beginning suspect that, or you were just completely uninterested in me."

Harry asked in surprise, "How'd you know?"

She put an elbow on the table and set her chin in her palm, leaning slightly into it. "During your sixth and seventh year, it made sense if you were too busy for a real relationship with the war and all, but even after the war, the furthest we ever went was kissing. Even that didn't seem too exciting for you. You treated me as you had before we dated, like a sister."

Harry pushed a strand of red hair behind her ears, feeling pained. "I'm sorry. I love you, but you're right, like a sister."

Ginny's bottom lip trembled a bit as she forced herself to smile and it tore Harry's insides to see he was the cause of it. "I'm sorry," he repeated, softer this time. "I really wish I loved you that way." _Everything would be easier._

-A Dirty Affair-

Harry heard the front door open and then a torrent of questions from his family members.

"Did you find any mummies?"

"Did you see a sphinx?"

"Did you bring any of the beetle lollipops they sell over there?"

He tried to focus on the book he was reading in the living room couch and calm his beating heart but with no avail. _He was here._

The chatter of voices and his pounding heart began to grow louder in volume as his family approached the living room. The door opened suddenly and he caught sight of the familiar mop of red hair tied into a short ponytail.  

Bill's eyes landed on him and his expression brightened a fraction as he began making his way towards Harry. He mustered out a grin, trying not to sound nervous as he said, "Bill! So glad you're back." He smiled and stood up to hug him, careful not to meet his eyes for in case Bill saw something in there that he wasn't supposed to.

"Harry." His name was uttered in a sigh as their arms wrapped around each other. "You've grown taller again."

Bill was shaking.

Alarm shot through Harry. He pulled back and really studied Bill. He looked tired and a bit paler than usual, the werewolf's scars on his face standing out more than usual. Harry almost gasped in horror when he looked into Bill's eyes.

His eyes…

They were the exact same color as Remus' had been: amber.

"The full moon was the day before yesterday…" Harry's mind was racing. Did Greyback's bite take full effect, even though Bill had been fine for over half a year after his injury?

Bill's posture slumped as his joyful mask crumbled. "I knew you'd be able to tell. I asked to be sent home early."

"Did you," Harry hesitated, "hurt anyone?"

Bill shook his head, looking stricken at the thought. "No, I had this terrible feeling and went far into the desert before I-" he choked, "changed."

Harry's heart broke into a million pieces. "Oh, Bill." The only time he had ever seen a werewolf transform was back in third year with Remus, but even a thirteen year old could see it was the most horrific, painful thing. "Nothing's changed, you know, nothing at all." It was just twelve nights out of three hundred and sixty-five.

Bill only shook his head and muttered, "I'll have to tell everyone about it."

"Uh, guys?" Ron's voice came from the door. "Come join us in the kitchen, Mum wants you two with the rest of us too."

Bill cracked a smile and nodded. "All right. I have something to tell you all anyways."

Ron's eyebrows rose in concern as he shot Harry a questioning glance. Harry only shook his head and followed Bill out the door.

They all sensed Bill and Harry's tenseness when they arrived in the room and quieted down immediately. Bill sat in a chair and released a shaky breath. "You know how Greyback bit me in his human form? Well, I-I guess I was just a late bloomer because," he paused and Mrs. Weasley gasped, vocalizing everyone's fears, before Bill said as his voice trembled, "I transformed for the first time on the last full moon."

The multiple reactions in the room were simultaneous.

Mrs. Weasley wailed and instantly burst into tears. Mr. Weasley said nothing, looking like he'd been hit. George, Ron and Charlie cursed. Ginny and Hermione gasped into their hands. Percy looked sick.

Fleur cried out and ran to Bill, hugging him, kissing him as she murmured quietly in his ears. Bill closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch, still shaking slightly. Harry tried to ignore his heart as he saw her lips form the words he wished he could say to him: "I love you."

A rush of self-disgust overcame him. He couldn't believe he was feeling _jealous_ at a time like this.

But _fuck,_ it hurt.

-A Dirty Affair-

Harry had not touched a single rune book nor drawn a single rune in nearly two months. If he thought he was studying runes like a madman before, it was nothing compared to his animagus studies he'd been working on nonstop since Bill had come back from Egypt.

Luckily he had started learning earlier, right after the war, and had already known what his animagus form was probably going to be. His initial reason for learning it had been because his father and Sirius had been animagi, but he hadn't anticipated his reasons would become what theirs were.

Bill's second full moon was awful on him. When Harry and the others visited him in the morning after, he was still shaking, eyes bloodshot and could not hold anything in his stomach for at least twelve hours.

Harry couldn't imagine Remus as a young child going through this. He never missed Remus more than then. After he came home from Shell Cottage, he drank more firewhiskey than he ever had. He cried more than he ever had. He cursed the world, for making his loved ones suffer, and himself, for being so utterly useless and weak.

He wasn't sure how much he had eaten or slept in the past month; the whole thing was a blur and a haze, like an old VCR tape on fast forward.

Harry cursed a storm as he threw down his book in anger. He knew he was _almost there._ He could feel it, the animagus form in him, but it refused to come out.

Tomorrow was the next full moon, and he _had_ to be there. He closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing his throbbing temples.

* * *

 When he opened his eyes again, the room was dark.

He turned to the window and saw the large moon up in the night sky, taunting him, laughing at him.

" _Fuck!_ "

He had to do this. Harry shut his eyes and imagined himself as his animagus, pouring magic throughout his body, concentrating, concentrating.

His heart soared as he felt his body shift and change, and he knew he had succeeded.

He managed to quickly change back and ran out of his apartment. He apparated to Shell Cottage, his mind ticking down the places Bill would go for his transformation. He knew he would never do it near any residential areas--especially not near Fleur--but that hardly narrowed it down to anything. Harry ran to the front door and barged in without even bothering to knock.

"Fleur!" Harry hollered as he ran through the house. "Fleur!"

She was in the kitchen, wide awake and looking as terrible as he felt. "Harry? What are you doing here?"

"Tell me where Bill went to transform!"

Fleur stared back at him, wide eyed. "Quinton Forest, but you can't go there!"

Quinton Forest, Quinton Forest...he had never even heard of it before. "Have you ever been? You must show me an image of it, please!"

Fleur stood and somehow towered over him with authority despite the fact that Harry was taller than her now. "You cannot go there!"

Harry took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He had to slow down, calm down. "I've just completed my animagus form." He looked into Fleur's eyes and saw understanding dawn on them.  "He's suffering so much," Harry gritted out, trying not to cry, "so the least I can do is accompany him on full moons."

Fleur studied him for a second longer and nodded. "I'm going to send a mental image through legilimency."

Harry saw her experience of being in the forest in his head and said, "OK, I got it."

"Harry." He had made his way to the door, but stopped at Fleur's voice. He turned back to the sight of the tired yet beautiful woman. She continued, "Thank you for doing this."

A complicated surge of emotions rose in him and he could only nod. He was doing this because he was in love with her husband. And she didn't even know. Hopefully she never would. _I'm sorry,_ he chanted in his mind as he stepped out the house and disapparated.

He arrived to the exact spot where Fleur had pictured and stripped down to nothing. Shivering violently, he transformed and nearly sighed in relief at the warmth his thick fur brought him. He felt right at home in the dead of night in winter.

After nudging his clothes next to a tree and marking the trunk so he could find the place again, he sniffed the air and searched the area with his ears for Bill. Distantly to his east, he heard short whimpers and occasional heavy breaths. Harry immediately took off, sprinting towards the direction of the noise.

He wished he could appreciate just how fast was he was going at the moment, but Bill's worrying state was on the forefront of his mind. He could smell another animal now--likely Bill's wolf form. He cried out when the stench of fear, misery and pain rolled into one hit his nose like a physical blow. Finally when he was close enough, he saw a small huddled animal shivering against a tree, staring intently at his direction. It was a wolf with glowing amber eyes, and Harry was sure it was Bill.

Harry let out a greeting and waited for Bill to react. The wolf stood slowly and shook his fur once before his amber eyes met his. Harry saw the shock and recognition in his eyes as Bill released an alarmed yelp. He turned away and ran.

Harry internally cursed and broke into a run after him. He knew Bill had run only because he thought he was still too dangerous for Harry to be around. He would just have to convince him otherwise.

Unfortunately for Bill, Harry was much larger and faster than him and soon caught up with him. He couldn't hold back a playful growl when he leapt, his powerful legs propelling him straight towards the wolf's flank. He made sure his claws were still sheathed as his front legs brought Bill down to the ground. He towered over Bill with a triumph grin and leaned down to lick his snout. He tried repress his embarrassment that came rushing in a second after he'd done it, feeling as though he had somewhat kissed Bill in animal form, and nipped the tips of Bill's ears playfully.

Bill's amber eyes stared into his for a long moment, still slightly fearful for Harry's safety and almost seemed to ask, _are you really willing to do this?_

Harry snorted and cuffed Bill's ears with his large paws. _Of course I am, idiot. I love you._

Bill seemed to relax under him. His eyes met Harry's, gaining a playful gleam and he let out a warning growl, swiping a paw back at Harry. It struck him right across the cheek, leaving him temporarily shocked. When he turned back to Bill, Harry saw him on the ground, haunches shaking as he made heavy huffing sounds through his nose. He scrambled toward him in frantic concern until he realized Bill was _laughing._

If only Bill could see how ridiculous he looked now.

Harry snorted and abruptly ended the wolf's laughter by pouncing on his back, letting his claws hook onto the gray fur harmlessly. They rolled and rolled across the forest floor, exchanging playful snarls, growls and blows.

They raced each other, and explored the forest together. They hunted for game, working as one in trapping their prey and groomed each other after their meal.

That night, he and Bill shared a special companionship that could never be emulated by human interactions--they were simply _there_ and _together_ without the interference of anything else.

It was absolutely freeing.

-A Dirty Affair-

Every full moon since their first one together, Harry had kept him company. The last full moon had been their fifth one. Right after their first shared full moon, Bill showed signs of recovery already and was actually in a good mood despite the horrendously painful changing he had just experienced. The first thing Bill had said to him when he was human again after their first full moon, still stark naked from the transformation, was, "So, a snow leopard huh?"

Harry had still been in his animagus form and released a squawk of surprise and embarrassment from his throat, turning his head away from the sight of Bill stark naked. He was sure if he was human at the time, he would have been blushing beet red from head to toe.

Bill had let out a bark of laughter and approached Harry without a shred of self-consciousness and _hugged_ him while he was _naked_ , running his fingers through Harry's fur. "Mmm," Bill had murmured, "you're so warm. We were doing the same thing a few hours ago, what are you getting embarrassed about it now?"

By their third full moon together, Harry had completely gotten used to their nudity in their morning afters, only hoping Bill hadn't noticed Harry checking him out from time to time. Bill might very well had, but didn't seem to mind either, and in fact teased him about his "innocence" all the time.

If they had been close before, what they had now was on another level. During the full moons, they were a pack, a family, a companionship, a friendship, but closer, more intimate, more primal. The bond the two of them shared was different from anything else they had with others. They could hold full conversations without speaking a word and read each others body language from the simplest shifting of a muscle--things they had honed in their animals forms. They enjoyed each other's company immensely, whether they even spoke to each other or not.

As impossible as it had initially seemed to Harry, he had fallen even deeper in love with Bill. He never knew he could love someone _so much_. His hatred for Voldemort, his pain during the war, his misery with the Dursleys all paled in comparison to the intensity of his love for Bill.

For that reason, however, it affected him a thousand times more. When he was with Bill--simply with him--he was a thousand times more cheerful and happy. When he thought of Bill and Fleur together and the fact that his love would never be returned in the same way, he fell into bouts of depression a thousand times more miserable than he ever had in Privet Drive.

But he would never reveal his feelings. If his heart loved Bill to death, his head held himself back from exposing himself just as frantically. Even if Bill suspected something, Harry couldn't ever voice his feelings for him--to confirm any of Bill's suspicions that he likely had. Harry couldn't ruin their relationship, and much less Bill and Fleur's. He had no right to, nor did he wish to. His mind told him that, at least. It would be cruel and uncalled for, his rational mind told him.

Every fiber of his heart, however, didn't bother listening to his head and yearned for Bill with every painful beat.

-A Dirty Affair-

Some months were good, and some months were awful.

This month's full moon was especially hard on Bill. The moment he transformed, he collapsed to the ground, simply lying there, shivering and panting. Harry, in his much larger snow leopard form, nestled next to Bill on the forest floor. Bill released a shuddering breath of poorly concealed pain and rested his head on his paws. They lay there for the rest of the night, comforted by the sounds of each other's breathing.

Hours later, Harry glanced up at the sky and knew Bill was changing back soon. His heart twisted in dread when Bill began twitching uncontrollably and released a high pitched whine. It was going to be bad.

Bill's teeth chattered as his body convulsed from the transformation and pain. The jarring cracks of bones rearranging echoed in the clearing, and not even his cries of agony could mask it. Harry mewled in sympathy, physically in pain to watch the one he loved suffering, wishing he could do something to help him other than sitting there, holding him.

From Bill's lips came ragged pants and a keening cry that would haunt Harry in his dreams. His transformation was finally over. Harry changed back to his human form after him, now smaller than the man who was spooning him on the forest ground. He turned around to face Bill, his brother, the object of his affections, and wrapped his arms around his bare back in attempts to comfort him. His arms shook violently because under them, Bill shook violently.

The older man pushed him away and grabbed Harry's face with his trembling hands. His gleaming amber eyes met Harry's, tears leaking from the corners of them. "Harry…" Bill's voice came out in a husky, broken growl.

"Bill-"

Before he could say anything more, Bill smashed his lips against his, shoving his tongue almost violently into Harry's mouth. White, cold shock flooded and immobilized Harry's body. Bill's tongue ravaged his canal and all he could feel was teeth and tongue and lips and heat.

The older man broke it off and latched onto his neck, nipping and sucking, his deft mouth traveling down to his collarbones. The rough hands that were gripping his back began to travel lower. The masterful tongue left his skin for an instant--one instant too long, Harry thought--and suddenly engulfed his left nipple, eliciting a quick gasp and a moan from Harry.

In a horrifying moment of clarity, a single thought flashed through his mind.

_Fleur._

Harry stiffened. _This was wrong_.

He attempted to control his voice as he cried, "Bill, s-stop…"   

The frantic movements stilled in a frightening moment and Harry was shoved off of him in the next. Bill's eyes roamed Harry's naked form on the ground, his face falling into shame and despair.

Harry brought his legs closer to his chest to hide his erection as he laid there panting. He was painfully aroused. Hoping his voice didn't falter, he said softly, "Bill, Bill, it's not your fault…"

The handsome man's expression twisted into further anguish and looked away. Bill's voice and Harry's heart broke as Bill said, "Don't come with me on full moons anymore."

-A Dirty Affair-

The next day, Harry stayed in his apartment in repeated attempts to work on his runes. He was horribly distracted, constantly thinking back to the kiss from last night, then to Bill's reaction, mourning the loss of his companion on full moons, and then remembering his difficult position in withholding his love for him, because it would probably be easier this way, to distance himself from Bill than to try to pretend like nothing happened. But then he'd think about the kiss again--how good it was, how it was everything he dreamed it to be but more, how his heart no longer beat for himself anymore, but for Bill, and how he couldn't just _not_ love him.

It was a never ending vortex of emotions.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice echoed in his apartment from another room. "Harry? Are you home?"

His eyes refocused to the paper before him, seeing nonsensical stacks of runes upon runes. He crumpled the paper as he stood, running to the living room. "Yes, I'm coming!"

Hermione's face was in the fire, looking concerned. "There you are! We were wondering where you were since you weren't at Mrs. Weasley's place yet. Are you coming for dinner tonight?"

"Yes, I am," he began, confused about her concern. Surely it couldn't have been time for dinner already? Quickly casting a _Tempus,_ he cursed and ran back into his study and grabbed his jacket. Somehow his tormenting cycle of thoughts had eaten up his day without him noticing. He pinched some Floo powder between his fingers, and just as Hermione was about to end the fire-call, he said urgently, "Wait!"

She looked to him in curiosity and concern, waiting for him to continue.

"I-is Bill there?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Hermione glanced sideways and nodded silently. She looked like she had something she was dying to ask, but was holding it back.

Her lack of vocal response strongly suggested he was in the same room as her. Harry stared down at the green powder in his fingers in nervous contemplation, not so sure if he wanted to go anymore. He was afraid of how Bill would react, but Bill had gone to the Burrow knowing the high possibility that Harry would be there too. So he wasn't avoiding him. "OK, I'm coming now."

She nodded slowly, still not leaving the fireplace.

Harry licked his lips nervously. "Bill and I had a bit of a spat, but just--just please don't mention it. We'll get over it," he lied uneasily. It was kind of an argument, Harry supposed.

Hermione frowned a bit but nodded again, this time in understanding. "I'll see you there then, Harry."

He Flooed over to the Burrow, stepping out of their fireplace as he brushed off the ashes. Everyone was sitting on the couches besides Mrs. Weasley and Fleur, who were working in the kitchen. Harry smiled at his family with genuine warmth, setting his jacket that he hadn't ended up wearing onto the coat rack. "Sorry I'm late, got a bit held up with my studies."

Ron and George looked up from their conversation and greeted him. His best friend nodded at him. "How's the runes going?"

"Good, it's going good," Harry said with a nod. He hugged all of them in greeting, making sure to quickly step back after he embraced Bill and kissed Ginny's cheeks when it was her turn. "Hey," he whispered in her ear, trying not to make his breathing too obvious as he inhaled her scent. The smell of her had a calming effect on him. She would always be a bit special to him, even if he never wanted her sexually. He stepped back and patted her on the shoulder briefly. "How's the break treating you? Any plans with your friends for Christmas?"

She returned his greeting with a soft smile of her own, reaching an arm out to brush some extra soot off his shoulders that he hadn't noticed before. "Great as always. I'm probably going to spend to spend Christmas with Dean this year, but I haven't asked Mom yet."

They jumped at a sudden crashing noise from behind them. Harry spun around, heart pounding in his chest when he saw it was Bill. The older man had stood up too quickly and accidently knocked over the radio. He didn't even seem to notice it as he stared at Harry. Almost scared to ask, Harry stepped toward him in concern. "What's wrong?"

Still not taking his gaze off of Harry, Bill's amber eyes were a fraction wider than usual he asked steadily, "You're not dating each other anymore?"

Harry exchanged puzzled looks with Ginny. She shook her head slowly, "We broke up under good terms. How come you haven't heard-"

Bill's face gave nothing away as he turned around, storming out of the house without even letting Ginny finish.

By then, everyone had stopped their side conversations and were staring at the closed front door in bewilderment. While it was upsetting to a degree for his sister to have been dumped, but if they had agreed to break up together, why was Bill so affected by this?

Then it occurred to Harry how it might have seemed. Yesterday after the full moon, they had kissed, and then the next day he had found out Harry and Ginny had broken up. Harry swore and quickly followed Bill out the house, absently waving his wand at the radio to fix it and return it to its previous position. He summoned his jacket as he walked passed the kitchen, catching it easily in his hands. Fleur stepped out of the kitchen, looking towards the closed door and then at Harry in concern. "Hey Fleur." He forced a smile to his face, pushing down his feelings of guilt and self-disgust that resurfaced instantly from the sight of Bill's wife. "I think I know what's wrong, don't worry about him."

Harry put on his coat and stepped outside without waiting for a response. He shivered against the cold winds, scanning the large front yard for the familiar figure. Walking towards the left side of the house, he spotted Bill sitting against the wall with his legs curled up to his chest as his arms were propped on top of his knees. Harry couldn't see his face clearly, but judging from the hunch of his shoulders and the slight duck in his head, Bill was currently in deep thought--and not in a good way.

Silently making his way to him and sitting on the patch of grass next to him, Harry pulled up a silent _Muffliato_ for in case and said softly, "It's not what you think."

Harry saw Bill's hands clench into fists. He heard him breathe in sharply and then say, "You were with Ginny and I came along and fucking _jumped_ you and you guys broke up and you're saying it's not what I think? What isn't what I think?"

"I didn't break up with Ginny because...of last night," Harry clarified gently, pausing longer than he should have while trying to find the right words. "We broke up months ago."

"Exactly!" Bill said, running a hand through his lengthy hair. "I didn't even know it. What kind of horrible brother am I? To both Ginny and to you." He swerved his head towards Harry in anguish, his gleaming amber gaze roaming his face. "Especially to you."

A part of Harry's heart died at his words. _Brothers._ He shook his head in disagreement. "You were in Egypt when it happened. After that it never really came up."

"No, even then, I-I shouldn't have-" Bill cut himself off, face falling into despair and regret before turning away.

"Bill," Harry said lowly. When he received no response, he repeated more urgently, "Bill, look at me." When he still showed no signs of response, in a crazy and decisive moment, Harry reached his hand out, cupping it forcefully onto Bill's cheek to force him to look at him. His head turned, but before he could get a good look at Bill's expression, Harry leaned in and pressed his lips against Bill's.

It was a sloppy, inexperienced kiss that involved a lot of clacking teeth and clumsy tongues until Bill finally got over his shock and responded, immediately taking over the kiss. Harry let him, parting his lips and brought his cold fingers into the messy tresses of red. It was a slower, softer kiss than last night, with gentler feelings, but still tinged with a bit of desperation.

Harry pulled himself and Bill back, smiling at the love of his life. "Now we're even."

Bill looked surprised at first, but then his lips softened into a small, ironic smile.

They stared at each other in silence when Harry suddenly remembered _reality._ How could he even forget? It all came crashing down and he untangled his limbs from him, scrambling away from Bill and standing up as fast as he could. Bill was married. Bill had Fleur, but Harry had kissed him anyway.

The older man seemed to realize himself as well in that moment, face falling into horror and simply let go of his grip on Harry. The expression twisted Harry's heart painfully in rejection and acceptance.

Harry stepped back again, feeling a torrent of self-disgust and panic settle into his stomach. "Tell Mrs. Weasley that I'm not feeling well and please don't blame yourself for all this; it's my fault and I'm sorry." He disapparated before Bill could respond, too afraid to see and face his reaction.

He fell to the ground in a sprawl of limbs outside his apartment. He probably should have felt relieved for not splinching himself, considering how _not_ OK he felt, but barely gave it a thought, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts edged with desperate panic. He dug into his coat and unlocked the door, fumbling with the keys slightly. Harry entered his apartment and slammed the door behind him. He leaned against it, closing his eyes as he slowly slid down to the floor.

What was he _doing?_

"Fuck!"

-A Dirty Affair-

Two depressing months sluggishly moved by. Harry dove into his rune works, beginning to study and create steadily more complex runes. On the night of the full moon, he couldn't sleep or work at all, constantly staring at the moon and simply yearning to be by Bill's side. He wondered if Bill missed him too. He wondered if Bill's transformation had been painful that month. He wondered if Bill was hunting alone. He wondered if Bill felt lonely.

Life went on as usual. He visited the Weasleys every week; Ron and Hermione stopped by at least three times a week; he stayed home working and studying. Life was all but the same, all but without Bill, and that made all the difference.

He really wasn't sure if it was better or worse when Bill was at the family dinners. Harry had to severely hold himself back, clamping down on all his conflicting emotions the entire time and pretend like nothing was wrong. On the other hand, he hated _not_ seeing Bill, and always felt a thrill of happiness in his heart when he saw him.

The Weasley's weren't blind to their avoidance either, kindly--or cruelly; Harry couldn't decide--never leaving only the two of them in the room at the same time. One thing he was unmeasurably glad for was their lack of interference, simply trusting them to solve their conflict themselves. (Although he suspected Ron had to fight a hard battle to get Hermione to stay silent about this) This meant two things: one, he didn't have to make something up to cover up, and second and most importantly, that meant they hadn't even come close to guessing the nature of Harry and Bill's relationship. If they had, they no doubt would force someone's relationship come to an end, whether it be Harry and Bill's, or Fleur and Bill's, because they would never stand for infidelity.

Harry was honestly frightened of the consequences if the Weasley's ever found out. It was one thing to break up with their daughter and another to harbor feelings for their married son and cheat on his wife with him. They would most definitely be disappointed in Bill but never forsake him, but it couldn't be said the same with Harry. Ron had been the initial connection for him and the Weasleys, and if Ron couldn't forgive Harry for what he had done, then he would essentially lose any reason to stay in contact with them.

He could lose his family's trust and love if he pursued the feelings that ate up his heart in mind. He couldn't let them eat up his only familial connections either.

Harry sighed, setting down his pencil on his blank sheet of paper before him and let his head fall onto his desk with a dull thunk. 

-A Dirty Affair-

Harry felt someone trigger his wards in the dead of night and then heard the familiar ring of the doorbell. He grunted as he got out of bed, slowly making his way to the door. Who would wake him so early in the morning? He looked into the peephole and immediately stepped back to open the door.

Bill looked haggard and pale and was panting as though he had run here. Harry let him in and quickly closed the door behind him. The moment he did so, Bill grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head and brought his lips to Harry's.

Alarm flooded through Harry as he was pushed against the door but he remained nonrespondent, waiting for Bill to break off the kiss. This was wrong, but Harry couldn't bring himself to push him away. The moment his lips were free, Harry interjected sharply, "Bill. What's wrong?"

The redhead released a feral cry of despair when he realized what he had done once again. Harry took his hands and held them steadily in his and shushed him gently, staring intently into glowing amber eyes. He repeated softly, "Bill, what's wrong?" When Bill shook his head and didn't respond, Harry led him into his room and sat him down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm awful," Bill said brokenly, clutching his head in his hands. His teeth ground together, eyes shut tight and fingers clenched fists of hair. Harry had never seen him so angry. It did not surprise Harry that the most furious he had ever seen Bill would be when he was angry with himself.

Harry sat beside him and brought Bill into his arms, rubbing slow circles on his back. Bill slowly let go of his hair and settled his hands onto his knees. He let out a breathy, self-depreciating laugh. "See? After fighting with my wife, of all the places to go, I go to you." Harry tried to ignore the stab of pain that went straight to his heart, continuing to comfort the man he loved. Bill's fists clenched at his knees so hard that his knuckles turned white and his nails broke skin. "A-and you know for a second, I had this thought, this awful thought. I-I thought if I hadn't married Fleur so soon that I might have had a chance with you." His voice came out choked at the end and Harry's hand froze on his back.

Harry felt a rush of elation fill him, immediately followed by an overwhelming sense of self-disgust. How could he be happy about that? His voice shook a bit as he said, "You love her."

"I do." Bill turned to look at him. The moment their eyes met, the handsome man's face before him crumpled into anguish. A hand cupped the side of his face and another brushed a few locks that had fallen in front of Harry's face. "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry."

Harry supposed he hadn't quite gotten his ahold of emotions if Bill had responded like that the moment he looked at him. He turned away, away from Bill, so he couldn't see him. "Don't be. You love her. I know you do."

"Harry, Harry, look at me," he spoke so gently, so lovingly. Harry wasn't the one who he was supposed to speak to like that.

Harry shifted farther from him and shook his head. "Stop, Bill, you didn't come here to comfort me." Heavy silence. "I-I think you should leave." It wouldn't help either of them for Bill to stick around. "Go make up with Fleur."

Arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. "Harry," he whispered in his ear, tickling his neck with his breath. "Look at me."

Unable to resist him, he did so.

He didn't know who moved first, but their lips met at the middle, and all thoughts that plagued him like a disease moments before flew out of the window. Bill's hands roamed his back and the other in his hair, each touch burning into his skin, branding him, marking him for eternity. Harry growled, not getting enough _skin_ under his hands and somehow managed to vanish Bill's shirt wandlessly through his haze of arousal and pressed his body against his, touching and kissing and simply not getting _enough_.

The older man growled back at him and pushed him down, both of them falling sideways onto the bed. Their eyes met--haunted green and glowing amber--slowly leaning into each other.

Their dirty affair continued under the watchful gaze of the moon.

* * *

 When Harry awoke, he found the bed was empty beside him, but he had somehow been repositioned and covered by a blanket when he was asleep. Bill had left, but apparently not before making sure Harry wouldn't be cold at night and tucked him in. Harry fell in love with Bill all over again and rolled over so that his face was pressed against the sheets, breathing in Bill's musky scent that still remained. He lay there for a few extra minutes, only abruptly getting out of bed when he realized he was unconsciously smiling.

He wasn't supposed to happy. He wasn't _allowed_ to be. He and a _married_ man who was supposed to be his brother had spent the night together. Harry got into the shower, frowning now.

Last night definitely was not supposed to happen. Bill had come to him as a fallback after a fight with Fleur--he was only the cheap alternative. His heart twisted painfully at the thought, closing his eyes for a brief moment before snapping them back open when an image of Bill's face last night resurfaced in the back of his eyelids. He was so raw, tender and gentle that Harry could almost believe they could work.

But they couldn't, and they shouldn't.

-A Dirty Affair-

After a week of holing himself in his apartment and ignoring the rest of the world, Hermione came pounding on his door, threatening to break it down if he didn't answer.

She followed through.

"Why would you actually take down my door?" Harry bit out in anger. "If I don't open it even after you've already threatened me with something like that, doesn't that tell you something?"

Hermione stood at the doorway, looking stricken and shocked into silence. Ron stepped out from behind, advancing toward him in stony anger, and placed a firm fist on Harry's chest. "I won't allow you to speak to her like that, even if it's you, Harry. If you're angry about something, don't direct it towards my girlfriend, especially when she's just trying to help."

Ron's words and Hermione's expression pierced his heart with guilt, making him walk up to her quickly and bringing her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I-it's just me and--things aren't going so well for me."

She relaxed in his arms, returning his hug with a tight squeeze. "I know, Harry." They stayed that way for a long, comforting moment.

"Thank you," he breathed out softly by her ear as he burrowed his nose into her messy curls. Ron cleared his throat, prompting Harry to step back from her and let them in the apartment.

They sat in the living room, Hermione's eyebrows knitted in worry as her eyes searched Harry's face. "What's wrong?"

Harry ran an anxious hand through his hair, staring fixedly at the fire. He wasn't sure what he could say to them. He couldn't mention Bill, but he needed an explanation for his awful state that would satisfy them. "I-I--well recently-" he cut himself off and looked between the two. "I found out that I wasn't into girls." He swallowed thickly, pushing down his self-disgust at hiding and lying to his two best friends and stared down at his lap. "I'm pretty sure I'm gay." Unable to force himself to look into their eyes, he had no idea what they thought of his words. When neither of them spoke, he tread on, adding, "That's why I broke up with Ginny. At the time, I thought I just wasn't interested in her that way. But recently I realized I wasn't interested in any women that way."

"So?" Ron's nonchalant response had him and Hermione staring at him blankly. "You made a reasonable choice in breaking up with Ginny. Is that all that's got you all wound up?"

Harry wished it was. He wished he could tell them the whole thing, if only to get it off his chest. When Harry didn't respond, Hermione threw Ron a dirty look before saying gently, "What Ron means is that you're overthinking everything. Whether you're gay, straight or bi, we'll always be your friend."

Ron cleared his throat and added, "That, and also that it isn't necessary for you to…to _report_ to us your sexual orientation. I mean, it would have been good if you've told me this maybe about two years ago when I wasn't sure if Hermione liked you, but I totally get it if you were figuring out _other_ stuff back then." His best friend quirked a smile at him, referring to the whole Voldemort mess that felt like ages ago now.

He felt a genuine rush of gratitude and love for his friends and gave them a relieved smile, allowing himself to relax in his chair. "Thank you, Ron, Hermione."

* * *

 

"It was the best of times; It was the worst of times."

_-_ Charles Dickens _, A Tale of Two Cities_

* * *

 

The next time Bill came to his house, Fleur had gone on a small trip to Italy with her friends from Beauxbaton. They started off with a few drinks, neither of them too buzzed to make an excuse about what had happened.

Then the time after that had been when Harry and Bill were at the Burrow with the family, so completely absorbed in their conversation about runes that he had invited Bill over to his house to further discuss it.

Each time, it became easier than the previous.

There was something terribly arousing in a sinful, sordid way that spurred both of them on in secret glances here and discreet touches there. It was a dance of subtlety Bill and Harry found pleasure in making into a game.

Each night Harry lay in bed alone, however, he shut his eyes and curled up in anguish, despising himself for his lack of restraint and disgusted at his own excitement in it all.

-A Dirty Affair-

Harry stood in front of Bill's house just before midnight, wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans. The dim light from the hallway partially illuminated Harry's face, the other half shadowed by the night. Bill studied the man before him for a long moment, neither of them speaking.

A deep pang struck Bill's heart at his expression. Relaxed but resolute, gentle but _so_ pained. Beautiful. Breathtaking.

Bill managed to say smoothly, "Fleur's not home." She had gone overseas for Gringotts business.

Harry nodded. "I know."

Staring into the deep, captivating pools of green, Bill lifted a cautious hand up to Harry's cheek, not touching but hovering so close to his skin that he could feel the heat radiating off of him. Keeping his voice steady, he said, "What do you want?"

Harry stepped closer to him, his face shadowed even further. "Take me to your room." Those blazing green eyes still shone bright, flitting across Bill's face to gauge his reaction.

Something terrible dissolved in his heart, dropping like a stone into his stomach. He smiled tenderly at the younger man. "OK."

They walked side by side in the dark house, not a single word exchanged. The door to his room was ajar, so they stepped in silently, Harry closing it with a muted click.

He took Harry's hand; one of them was shaking--or perhaps both of them were--and led him to his bed.

* * *

 Harry's long lashes gleamed with tears, his smooth white skin glowing against the moonlight, agonized emerald eyes half lidded, slick red lips parted slightly. He tilted his head back, slowly grinding his hips against Bill as his entire body writhed and _moved_ with unparalleled feline grace. Beautiful. Breathtaking.

_Not his._

He knew why Harry had come. He had seen it in his eyes from the moment he stood before his doorway. Harry was heartbroken, suffering from a loss that tore at his heart. Just seeing the pain on his face broke his heart too. It hurt more than he'd ever imagined. It hurt like a fissure had formed in his heart, spilling out scalding acid that burned his blood and soul.

The beautiful, beautiful man that, once upon a time, could have been his, had come to say goodbye.

That night, their dirty affair came to a forceful close.

 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah..i wrote this about a year ago and decided to post it today..there's a lot of writing mistakes in there, but you'll have to excuse me for those.  
> Hope you enjoyed it! My main fic of this AU is coming up in the unforeseeable future!


End file.
